I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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