this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
