just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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