I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
