matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
