are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
