TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
