Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
