Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
