I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
