My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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