There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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