it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
