Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
worst night to have a conscience
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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