my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
