Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
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