So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
