But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
