Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
