Your face is a jimmy john
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
All I want is dick and wine.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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