whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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