i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
false alarm. still invincible.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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