I wish you could order shots online.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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