I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
