I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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