I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
