Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
