well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
