So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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