I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
