you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
