smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
