I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
