Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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