I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
