Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
