Fuck appropriateness.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
