TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize