new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize