i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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