That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
