she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i think im in europe. pls send help
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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