im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
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