woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
