I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
