AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
