for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
