Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
