Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
