lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
