I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
third nipple confirmed
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
