But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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