Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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