mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
