Jerry, you need to find god
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I have post one night stand depression
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