I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
