You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize