Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
