Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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