peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You're like the curious george of whores
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
