Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
