I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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