i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
