omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I think my moral compass just broke
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