Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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