my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
We named our party play list daddy issues
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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