She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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