A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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