Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
