I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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