Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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