i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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