I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
