I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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