I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
