someone threw a dead crab at me
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
