A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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