Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
