Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize