I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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