I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
