Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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