Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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