Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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