I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
