I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
