Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
