my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
