Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
