ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
