I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
