U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Can I color on your dick again?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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